One of my oldest and best friends died on Sunday... or was it Saturday? I dunno. I found out about it on Sunday. I was at my Auntie's house and she was checking her Facebook account, of all things. Or maybe she fount out first from her BB Messenger account, she said that that was how she found out who had died... Either way, she came into her living, where I was watching 'Never Let Me Go' with her daughter, her husband and my mother, and told us point blank what had happened.
They couldn't get the name out at first, or they couldn't get it right. We know a Vershon and a Vashon. Two very different people, especially in their relationship to me. Vershon is by best friend; Vashon is a guy that I'm cool with but basically we just went to the same school together. They, at least name wise, have often been mixed up in the past.
My Aunt said Vershon. My sister said Vash. I prayed desperately in the seconds that they sorted it out that it was Vash. I hate to say it. But... it is what I did.
When she said Vershon Simmons, I knew they were talking about my friend. It took a few seconds to register, but then it started to sink in. I cried. Quietly. I recognize now that I was holding back. I don't like to cry especially in public; I don't like being vulnerable in front of people. Which is ironic because I want to be an actor, which is all about being vulnerable in front of people. I eventually stopped crying, however, that was just the first of three bouts of crying that night. It didn't help that at the time I was watching a film about losing those close to you or the inevitability of loosing someone sooner than you think you should. I'm trying to remember where in the film I was told about Vershon... the film in that area is a blank to me. All I remember is that it was before she scene where Ruth tells Kathy and Tommy that she came between them all those years ago... maybe even before Kathy becomes a carer.
That film is now forever linked to my memories of Vershon. I have to get in on DVD now.
---
I realize a day later, that I don't really believe it yet. It all feels like a cruel joke.
Some friend at school were talking about how this girl kept posting 'RIP Vershun' on her wall over and over again and then had to correct herself afterward.
It was the first time I told someone outside of my circle that he was my best friend. They said his name and I actually thought: 'Why do people keep saying he's dead. He's not dead.'
What are the stages of grief?
They couldn't get the name out at first, or they couldn't get it right. We know a Vershon and a Vashon. Two very different people, especially in their relationship to me. Vershon is by best friend; Vashon is a guy that I'm cool with but basically we just went to the same school together. They, at least name wise, have often been mixed up in the past.
My Aunt said Vershon. My sister said Vash. I prayed desperately in the seconds that they sorted it out that it was Vash. I hate to say it. But... it is what I did.
When she said Vershon Simmons, I knew they were talking about my friend. It took a few seconds to register, but then it started to sink in. I cried. Quietly. I recognize now that I was holding back. I don't like to cry especially in public; I don't like being vulnerable in front of people. Which is ironic because I want to be an actor, which is all about being vulnerable in front of people. I eventually stopped crying, however, that was just the first of three bouts of crying that night. It didn't help that at the time I was watching a film about losing those close to you or the inevitability of loosing someone sooner than you think you should. I'm trying to remember where in the film I was told about Vershon... the film in that area is a blank to me. All I remember is that it was before she scene where Ruth tells Kathy and Tommy that she came between them all those years ago... maybe even before Kathy becomes a carer.
That film is now forever linked to my memories of Vershon. I have to get in on DVD now.
---
I realize a day later, that I don't really believe it yet. It all feels like a cruel joke.
Some friend at school were talking about how this girl kept posting 'RIP Vershun' on her wall over and over again and then had to correct herself afterward.
It was the first time I told someone outside of my circle that he was my best friend. They said his name and I actually thought: 'Why do people keep saying he's dead. He's not dead.'
What are the stages of grief?
- - Shock or Disbelief
- - Denial
- - Anger
- - Bargaining
- - Guilt
- - Depression
- - Acceptance and Hope
Based on this, I'd say I'm right on track. Even if its is an 'Emotionless Train' track.
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Please read: “I’M RIDING THIS EMOTIONLESS TRAIN AS FAR AS IT WILL GO.” by becomingjennie.
She is a huge inspiration for me right now, and as I read this post aloud, I couldn't help but ball my eyes out. Everything she says rings true for me. There are so many things that we have in common, despite all the things that are different about us.
---
Please read: “I’M RIDING THIS EMOTIONLESS TRAIN AS FAR AS IT WILL GO.” by becomingjennie.
She is a huge inspiration for me right now, and as I read this post aloud, I couldn't help but ball my eyes out. Everything she says rings true for me. There are so many things that we have in common, despite all the things that are different about us.
